i finally figured out how not to feel.

i finally figured out how not to feel. 
She thought to herself as she popped the pills.
After one she popped two. After two she popped four.
She popped those pills till she couldn't anymore.
She flopped on her bed
Staring off as a colorful movie played in her head.
Nothing mattered.
 She didn't care.
She finally felt numb.
People began to worry.
People began to stare at the girl who didn't give a care,
 a bottle a pills in her purse,
vodka in her cup,
and a joint in her hand.
We all become addicted to the things that take the pain away.
The lower she felt, the higher she became
because she didn't want to feel anything.
So she popped those pills and she smoked that weed
because no one else cares
and nothing else works.
a pill to kill the pain
 so that she could live another day
 even though she thought there was nothing else to gain.